Who are you without all of the labels our egos try to define us by? When we let go of all that we thought defined us, who are we in the end. We are a daughter or son of God and that is what matters, not the roles that we tend to define ourselves by.
Many of us don't know who we are without anyone even before we get married. Many of us have baggage even before we get married. We have to let go of our baggage and move forward. Divorce puts us in the place that forces us to find out who we are without all the labels or roles that we have put our identity into. When we take all of those away, who are we? I felt like I lost my identity....I lost my best friend, the role of wife, couple friends, friends at church, and on and on and I didn't know who I was anymore. When you lose everything......there is the possibility of anything!
I quoted from the book A New Earth by Ekhart Tolle
" There are many accounts of people who experienced that emerging new dimension of consciousness as a result of tragic loss at some point in their lives. Some lost all of their possessions, others their children or spouse, their social position, reputation, or physical abilities. In some cases, through disaster or war, they lost all of these simultaneously and found themselves with "nothing". We may call this a limit-situation. Whatever they had identified with, whatever gave them their sense of self, had been taken away. Then suddenly and inexplicably, the anguish or intense fear they initially felt gave way to a sacred sense of Presence, a deep peace and serenity and complete freedom from fear. This phenomenon must have been familiar to St Paul, who used the expression "the peace of God which passeth all understanding." It is indeed a peace that doesn't seem to make sense, and the people who experienced it asked themselves: In the face of this, how can it be that I feel such peace?
The answer is simple, once you realize what the ego is and how it works. When forms that you had identified with ,that gave you your sense of self, collapse or are taken away, in can lead to a collapse of the ego, since ego is identification with form. When there is nothing to identify with anymore, who are you? When forms around you die or death approaches, your sense of Beingness, of I AM, is freed from its entanglement with form: Spirit is released from its imprisonment in matter. You realize your essential identity as formless, as an all-pervasive Presence, of Being prior to all forms, all identifications. You realize your true identity as consciousness itself, rather than what consciousness had identified with. That's the peace of God. The ultimate truth of who you are is not I am this or I am that, but I AM.
Not everybody who experiences great loss also experiences this awakening, this disidentification from form. Some immediately create a strong mental image or thought form in which they see themselves as a victim, whether it be of circumstances, other people, an unjust fate, or God. This thought form and the emotions it creates, such as anger, resentment, self-pity, and so on, they strongly identify with, and it immediately takes the place of all the other identifications that have collapsed through the loss. In other words, the ego quickly finds a new form. The fact that this new form is a deeply unhappy one doesn't concern the ego too much, as long as it has an identity, good or bad. In fact, this new ego will be more contracted, more rigid and impenetrable than the old one.
Whenever tragic loss occurs, you either resist or you yield. Some people become bitter or deeply resentful; others become compassionate, wise, and loving. Yielding means inner acceptance of what is. You are open to life. Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed. Whatever action you take in a state of inner resistance (which we could also call negativity) will create more outer resistance, and the universe will not be on your side; life will not be helpful. If the shutters, are closed, the sunlight cannot come it. When you yield internally, when you surrender, a new dimension of consciousness opens up. If action is possible or necessary, your action will be in alignment with the whole and supported by creative intelligence, the unconditioned consciousness which in a state of inner openness you become one with. Circumstances and people then become helpful, cooperative. Coincidences happen. If no action is possible, you rest in the peace an inner stillness that come with surrender. You rest in God."
A New Earth
I myself experienced this peace!
This is the peace I had experienced at some of the most painful moments in my divorce...that peaceful moment where I felt the calm right in the middle of the biggest storm was when I felt I had lost everything and I just let go and God carried me and held me and the peace came. I let go of everything I had identified myself with and because I had nothing left in me, I even let go of fear because I was now experiencing my worst fear. So I realized that when I had let go of fear, I no longer feared anything because I was in the worst place I ever imagined being in my life....I had lost the person who I thought was the love of my life, my husband, our togetherness, our family unit, our eternity, our eternal family unit, my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidante, my dreams,.....everything I had identified with as being me...so when I lost all that...it felt like I had lost
everything and since there was nothing else to lose...I let go of fear and feared nothing. When I had nothing left to fear or identify with anymore, it gave into spirit and who I really am and I literally felt the Lord holding me because all I had left was Him and His love for me. That is where the peace that surpasses all understanding comes from. When you end up losing everything...there is just the sacredness in having no fear....a true surrendering. Letting go of the control I had fooled myself into thinking I had. Because in essence we really don't have control. It's a facade.
When we let go of fear and hand it all over to God, we become one with Him and when we start to have fear again and gain control we once again seperate ourselves from Him.
The sad thing is we start finding things to once again define who we are and we let our ego take over again and then we let fear in again and then we have whole new things to identify ourselves with...our job, our parenting roles, our callings, and on and on and then when we lose those or fail at those, we once again cling to fear.
When we come to a place where we have to face our biggest fear and there is a great trauma or loss, there is nothing else to fear because you are right in the middle of it and when you hand it over to God, in your biggest moment of trial, you can also feel the greatest peace.
Three possible outcomes to my divorce experience
How God uses my pain--- It can point me back to Him. I can become changed in and through him or stop progressing and therefore robbing myself of a bright future!
- Understand God's plan for my life
We are each here to serve a purpose. Figure out what yours is and start serving it!
Ways To Grow Closer To God
Spend time studying the Bible and book Of Mormon- who is he and what are his plans for you? As you read you will feel the peace. You will gain testimony and faith in his plan for you and his understanding of you. God doesn't treat you the way the world treats you. Think on true things - what really is - not what the world says.
Prayer - Detoxify - talk about it with him. It produces a great spiritual connection. Prayers are answered in a matter of minutes sometimes. He is definitely there for you. It is really conversing with him that draws you closer. Share it all with him - a good friend who will help you work things out.
Attend church - It can help a lot. It will help you feel warmth. Shows a more active relationship with God. Heal your way through- this is where they should be welcomed and comforted and encouraged in the process. Family - a church family.
What is your center? Job was at the center of his orbit - Orbit became unstable because he got fired. Then it shifted to his family - then a divorce - the only thing that he saw that didn't fall or fail was Christ. He should be our center. Hebrews 12:2 How to find our orbit. When he becomes the center - he makes changes in your life that are beautiful- do it and see what happens. What is real love, what is sacrificial love, what is intimate love? Do a little at a time if you need to. Do it for a couple hours a day at first. Know that you can trust him. He taught me how to love.
Relationship with God is a gift. It is made available through Christ. He paid a price for us to let us return to God. He can offer a relationship to us and we can turn our lives over to him. He will give us something worth living for. You may feel like you have to clean up your life before you can have a relationship with Him, but he accepts you just as you are. He wants you to come to him now, more than ever, when you are down you need to come to him. He will help you clean up your act and repent of your sins. Confess to him. Be remorseful. You really can't clean up your act without him. We have all done things that have broken his heart. We need to take responsibility and come to him. Agree with him and acknowledge it. No matter what we have done - he reaches out to us. Ask for forgiveness and change. Forsake your sins and be humble.