HomeTopicsResourcesDating After DivorceHelping Kids CopeMen & Divorce
"The Healing Coach"About UsHow Do I Heal and Move Forward? 

lds divorce support
                 hope-healing-wholeness
Anger and Pain
Divorce Anger
  • Deep emotion
  • Bad, sinful?
  • Risk of life-defining anger


Sources of Anger (Where does anger come from?)
  • Rejection
  • Others trying to control me
  • Reflecting another's anger
  • Mythical thinking
  • Self-inflicted anger
  • Pride
  • Fear
  • Insecurity
  • Loneliness
  • Inadequacy


​Legal Proceedings Bring About Emotions: Anger and Pain
  • Try to reach an agreement
  • Mediator
  • ​Violence
                        -No excuse for violence, some may even try to defend their abuser.
                        -Get out of danger
                        -Find help: Directory of Family Help in the United States and Canada www.focusas.com/directory.html
                        -Violence/Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE


Unhealthy Ways of Dealing With Anger:
  • Yelling, hitting, name calling, slandering and belittling​
  • Suppression: stuffing it
  • Open aggressive response
  • Passive aggressive reaction


Healthy Ways of Dealing With Anger
  • Assertive approach
  • Dropping it


Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Basic Anger Management
  • Acknowledge and admit anger
  • Determine the cause of your anger
  • Find someone who will listen
  • Cool down, relax
  • Take a break from the situation


And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding; will guard your hearts
and your minds in Christ lesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if
anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have
learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the
God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:7-9

  • Pray
  • Read a scripture verse or more
  • Write down your response choices 
  • Recognize the process

Controlling your Anger will protect your physical and emotional health. When you control your anger
you are practicing self-mastery and your self-worth with continue to grow. You will preserve
relationships with others and you will feel more at peace with yourself.

Anger, hatred, and contention are foes not easily subdued. These enemies inevitably leave in their
destructive wake tears of sorrow, the pain of conflict, and the shattered hopes of what could have been.
Their sphere of influence is not restricted to the battlefields of war but can be observed altogether too
frequently in the home, around the hearth, and within the heart. (Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Peace," Ensign,
Mar. 2004, 3)

We are reminded that "anger doesn't solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.". L.
Douglas Wilder, quoted in "Early Hardships Shaped Candidates," Deseret News, 1 Dec. 1991, p. A2.​


Benefits of Controlling Anger
  • Protects my physical health
  • Preserves relationships


Make Amends
  • Christ provides the resources
  • Jesus can help with the deepest anger

​Many men will say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot overcome his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. As I have said many times to the Elders, pray in your families; and if, when the time for prayer comes, you have not the spirit of prayer upon you, and your knees are unwilling to bow, say to them, “Knees, get down there”; make them bend, and remain there until you obtain the Spirit of the Lord. If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy (DBY, 267).

Do not get so angry that you cannot pray; do not allow yourselves to become so angry that you cannot feed an enemy—even your worst enemy, if an opportunity should present itself. There is a wicked anger, and there is a righteous anger. The Lord does not suffer wicked anger to be in his heart; but there is anger in his bosom, and he will hold a controversy with the nations, and will sift them, and no power can stay his hand (DBY, 269).  Brigham Young 


Recorded Session on Anger and Divorce with 
Kevin Hinckley and Christi Turley